Saturday night: Fat Boab's style

I still maintain that nothing beats a night in Fat Boab's. The following, I feel, proves this:

• Old people doing really godawfully bad karaoke (as I write this I realised - is there such a thing as good karaoke?)
• A drunken old man (Tam, FYI) who spent all night talking to us. He passed on the really helpful advice that I should 'stick with Carrie' and 'Throw Mhairi to the kerb'.
• An old woman who tried to get, first, Mhairi and then me to dance. She ended up dancing on the table instead.
• A man who appeared to be washing his hair in the toilets
• The adjacent fast food shop that charged £1.20 for cheese and sold vegetable pakora that possibly caused some kind of food poisoning.
• The fact the phrase 'I have John's sperm on my shoes' was used