Junkie in attempted theft shocker

The library was super boring today, and things were not made much better by the fact that I was doing 'Iron metabolism'... Wait, I hear you cry, I thought you did Medicine not Metullurgy! Apparently iron is frightfully important for a whole variety of reasons, which I should be able to tell you. But can't. Shit.

I was rudely distracted from my enthralling biochembo book when someone sat next to me and said 'Do you know where my friend is? He is sitting here. He is my friend. Do you know where he is?' To which I stared blankly at him and was like 'Em... no?'.

He then started to go through his 'friend's' bag, still repeating 'He's my friend', before standing up and walking off. It was then I noticed that he had the deathly, scrawny look of a (probable) junkie. He proceeded to sit in someone elses seat and claim he was waiting for his friend, whilst going through his bag.

In the end, there was a brave medical student that intervened:

Medical student: Em, you can't do that
Junkie: I'm waiting for my friend
Medical student: But you can't go through someones bag
Junkie: But I'm waiting for my friend

And then came the CLASSIC line

Medical student: You can't pick up that cake.

At this point, he decided to leave and I believe that the trusty medical school security guards (FINALLY, they spring into security action) dealt with him.

Excitement over, I had to return to my iron... And try to repress all thought exam related.

Descent into mental illness

I get the feeling I have been studying far too much lately: I had a nightmare about tyrosine kinase receptors. I can't remember if they were chasing me, but I was DAMN scared.

Toilet humour

Oddly, one of the few benefits of the supercrazy studying exam time, is the fact I go the Main Library a lot more. Oddly again, it is not the wealth of books nor the silence nor the multitude of desks that is most appealing, but the toilets.The cubicles are covered in some of the most amusing graffiti, the best ones take the form of an original graffito (in red) and a response from a different person (in blue):

FUCK JEWS
They're great in bed!

How's the revision going?
Like the storylines of Neighbours

I work
You work
We work
They profit
Wow, you could write songs for Hard Fi

And, my favourite of all time:

Why do we need security guards in the library?
To fight the war on terror

One feels I should spend more time studying in the library, instead of in the toilets. Oh well.

Drink is the new blog

I have discovered (courtesy of many varieties of wine) that extreme drunkness is not big, and its not clever. I learned it can result in:

• drinking red wine from the bottle
• the dance 'Strip the Willow' becomes 'run up and down the dance floor for about 5 minutes getting in everyones way'
• stumbling round drinking water out of a jug (this would be sensible, if you ignore the stumbling and the jug)
• when you are exhausted from dancing, you drop to your knees... while everyone continues to dance
• you like to pick people up and spin them round

Sigh. I also discovered that red wine and coffee turns me into nuclear powered supersteamboater. Good times.

Curly hair curse broken... Just need to work on the ginger.

I've caved.

I finally gave in, and bought myself hair straighteners. Another step on the 'gay stereotype' ladder... next step: leather clothing. This does mean (when I can be arsed) the end of the ridiculous curly hair - to be replaced by ridiculous straight hair.

Mild interjection

I noticed today (in my continued aviodance of any kind of studying - this time by repeated text messaging) that there really should be some kind of intermediate punctuation mark between a full stop and an exclamation mark. I would call this a 'mild interjection sign'.

I would be useful for many situations where you wish to convey some sort of mild enthusiasm/outrage/amusement, such as 'See you tomorrow' (at the end of a text). I have yet to think of what this mild interjection sign will look like.

That's tomorrow's task.

Dirty Money

After a hard night of group studying (FYI this involved very little studying and lots of Pizza Hut goodness), I was walking back home up Hyndland Street. Just as I got to Delizique, I noticed something lying on the ground that resembled a wallet: but as it was dark and raining, I just kept on walking.

However, being the ever inquisitive (nosey) person, I couldn't stop myself from going back to see it again. It turns out that it was indeed a wallet, and it was stuffed full of money. I stood over it for about a minute looking around, partly to see if there was anyone was frantically looking for a insanely full wallet and partly in case there was some kind of prank afoot... Thankfully there wasn't, I stuffed the wallet into my bag and made off into the night.

The wallet contained:

• a provisional driving licence
• a driving theory certificate
• two lottery tickets
• two bank cards
• £295

Being the kind natured citizen I am, I took it to the police today and (for my honesty) I get a reward of 10%... I agreed to this before I realised that it gets taken out of the money that I found, although I did console myself with the fact that this man is getting back £265.50 instead of the £0, had I been an arsehole.

Possibly the strangest thing about it was the man whose wallet I found had the same birthday as me, only he was 20 years older. This means he was exactly double my age when I turned 20.

How odd.

Voyeuerism

My late night library session was not as insanely depressing as it should have been (as I am currently working on an essay on gastric cancer - terrific fun) due to an amusing ned-fight incident taking place on University Avenue. I was in the medical school across the street (the picture on the left) and thanks to the fantastic glass façade and open windows, we were able to hear every single word of the encounter and see it all unfold.

The incident concerns Danielle (the jilted partner), Davie (the two timing cad) and Cheryl (the mutual friend). I first noticed something was a-going down when I heard a god awful screech coming from outside. I thought nothing of it.

The screaming and shouting continued for a good few minutes before curiosity got the better of me and I had to go stare out the window. It turns out that Danielle and Davie had been going out, and Davie had slept with someone else. Davie did not seem that bothered about it, and did not want to continue seeing Danielle. Danielle was very unhappy about Davie's infidelity, but was quite adament that they were still 'an item'. Cheryl was there to shout at Davie.

This continued for a good 45 minutes, and during this Cheryl left and it ended up with just Davie and Danielle shouting at each other. At one point there was shouts of death threats, and threatened bottlings, until the a police car came. The most amusing thing about it was the fact that the police were there for about half an hour, and all they seemed to do was search Davie (which took about a minute) and then held his hand for the next 29 minutes. AND they even brought an extra police car in so that they could search Danielle.

It all ended with a truely romantic scene as the police let both Davie and Danielle go away. They walked off hand in hand. True love.

The best thing about this was the fact that we were so easily distracted: for about an hour we stood at the windows and pointed and laughed. It was only on the walk home I noticed how obvious we would have been to the everyone: not only because there were 8 of us standing at the glass façade, but also because all the windows were open and we were really loud.

Medicine: the caring, compassionate subject whose students watch possible assaults and laugh

Another one of life's mysteries solved

I've found that the correct answer to 'Why doesn't the pancreas digest itself?' is 'Who honestly cares?'.