The chorus
I have decided that there will be social groups, each with identifying features:
- The neds - marked by their interesting choice in clothing and loud annoying voices, these members of the chorus will be the most obvious and get the most attention.
- The gangstas - not like Bugsy Malone, sadly.
- The mini moshers - never taller that 5 foot 6, and resplendent in various hoodies for shite bands (will be replaced by emos/emus in the sequel)
- The odd people - the ones who seem to hate everyone
- The non-shit people - a sizeable group who seem non-plussed at the chaos that ensues around them.
Main Characters
There also has to be some main characters:
- Rab - "The heart throb" - Finding a Zac Efron style character (ie bad hair and orange skin) will not be difficult from the neds. Enjoys PE.
- Kelly-Louise - "The love interest" - Ideally she will have platinum hair and equally orange skin.
- Chantelle - "The jealous love interest" - Will be experienced in fist fighting and shrieking like a hag.
- Coach McPherson - The PE teacher with no knee caps
- Mr Green - A teacher with ned sympathies
- Mr V - A character that is never seen, but only heard over a tannoy
Synopsis + Song List
Opening Scene (On the pitch)
A PE lesson with Coach McPherson and the chrous. After some poor softball performances by the non-shit people, she launches into the song Give It Your All (I Gave My Knee Caps). After this rousing tune, Rab steps up to the plate and hits a home run (after one of the non-shit people makes no effort to catch/throw the ball). Kelly-Louise and Chantelle are both seen in the background.
Scene 2 (Changing Room)
Whilst the rest of the chorus changes without incident, the neds seem to take forever because they spend so much time spraying Lynx around the place. From the midst of the cloud of choking 'deodourant', Rab emerges (stars in your eye's style) to perform the touching ballad Ah Pure Fancy You. By the end of song, everyone has emerged from the changing room and is face to face with Kelly-Louise (who seems somewhat disinterested).
Scene 3 (a classroom)
The chorus is sitting in a class room, when the tannoy sounds. Mr V then performs a solo of The Lost Property Medley. By the end of the song the neds are running around wild, and the neds (including Rab, Kelly-Louise and Chantelle) referred on a pink form and Rab responds with the angry tirade of a song Pink Is The Colour Of Love.
Scene 4 (a teachers office)
It is revealed in the course of a conversation between Mr Green and the neds that a School Disco is on the next night, and that they will not be allowed to go (due to their pink referrals). This changes when Mr Green sings the song Cut You A Deal, in which the neds will be allowed to go in return for 'good behaviour' (this includes not starting fights/fires, managing an hour without doing something mind numbingly stupid).
Scene 5 (a school corridor)
The camera starts with Rab who sings This Is My Chance, a delightful song expressing his hopes to 'nip' Kelly-Louise. It then pans Kelly-Louise who sings about her hopes that Rab wears a shirt and yellow timberland shoes to the disco. It ends with Chantelle, the tempo become faster and she sings about her plans to split the modern day Romeo and Juliet by sabotaging Rab's good behaviour.
Scene 6 (the playground)
Chantelle starts to sing Rab Called You Gay to random boys in the chorus, the non-shit people seem unbothered (or think 'Suspiciously accurate gaydar') and its only when she sings it to the neds that a fight ensues involving Rab. Mr Green arrives and reluctantly sings My First Disco Banning.
Scene 7 (somewhere outside)
Rab is sitting drinking Buckfast singing If I Can't Get Fucked I'm Going To Get Pished, when Chantelle appears... The scene fades to black.
Scene 8 (The school disco)
Kelly-Louise is standing alone in the dance floor looking wistfully into the distance and singing He's The Only One For Me (But If He Takes Any Longer I'm Nipping Anyone Withing Ten Feet). Our hero Rab stumbles in (having entered via one of the heavily guarded fire doors) and looks distraught and sings I Gave Chantelle My Heart (And All She Gave Me Was The Clap). Chantelle appears and there is a tense silence. Rab and Kelly-Louise run towards each other and conclude the performance by singing a duet STDs Are Fine By Me.
Epilogue (Cleveden - 2 years later)
The non-shit people perform They're Gone! summing up the events of the past two years (ie the herpes, the pregnancies).
