caliFORNICATION

My yesterday was spent mainly at Hampden, being on duty with St Andrew's First Aid at the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

I decided, for some unknown reason, to walk to Hampden. It took me an hour and a half and I managed to burst into the pre event briefing wringing in sweat and bright red in the face... it was, after all, moderately warm yesterday.

The concert was a bit rubbish:

Biffy Clyro =  Pish

Red Hot Chili Peppers = Let down

Crowd = Not full capacity, bit of a rubbish atmosphere

I then, for some still unfathomable reason, thought that walking home from Hampden at quarter to midnight would be a good idea. Although I didn't get home until 1:30am, there were two good things about the walk: I didn't get stabbed and I had an amusing encounter in a woman in Anderston, who was dressed rather racily and in leather boots:

Woman - 'Zzzzyo waaaaan a good tim'?'

Andrew - 'Excuse me?'

Woman - 'Are zyoooou loooookin' for some bizzzzzznes?'

Andrew - [Stopping to speak to her] 'Come again?'

Woman - [With marked pellucidity, due to a contrived posh Glasgow accent ]'Are you looking for a good time? Are you wanting some business?'

Andrew - 'Em... not tonight'

And with that I left the elderly prostitute, feeling ever so insulted that I had been propositioned as I'm not a sleazy old man driving slowly past in a car. Although I did like the fact she put on a fake posh Glasgow accent, she obviously detected I was a cut above.

best. dream. ever.

As the title suggests, I had a very good dream last night.

I was having a celebrity style war (à la Paris Hilton) with Nicole Ritchie. In the end we made up, and were best of pals again.

Sadly I woke up before we could film a TV series together.

The nurse

Don't get me wrong, nurses are great.

However, one of the most amusing websites I've come across is The Center for Nursing Advocacy. It would appear that these people are taking on the world of misrepresentation of nurses, particularly:

• television - you can join their House, ER and Grey's Anatomy letter writing campaigns. Wait... House isn't an like a real hospital? Good lord.
• films - there's a review of the the most BORING FILM EVER. John Q.
• songs - I didn't quite realise it was possible to give a song a 'nursing rating' as to how well it represents nurses... Apparently so. FYI, blink 182's 'Enema of the State' gets a meagre half a star.
• how superior nurses are to doctors in every single way, without exception.

MAN, I wish they'd just stop their complaining and get back to emptying the bedpans.

I'm kidding.

How appropriate, you fight like a cow.

I think I have discovered one of the greatest things on the internet. Ever.

The Viper, The Brazilian and the Madonna style dancing

Last night was really quite amusing. A pretty amazing time was had at the Viper, previously I had thought this was a contradiction in terms.

Having spent a good few hours drinking in the garden, eating blackjacks and listening to some banging tunes (http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=EwTZ2xpQwpA), we made our way to Viper. 

We made it past the bouncers (who thought my name was Ashley) and were ready for a night of questionable music and cheap drink. We did not bank on a Brazilian being tossed into the mix. Mhairi had gone to the bar to get drinks, and came back with Benardo, a Brazilian who had just been in Belfast and arrived in Glasgow for 3 hours. Bernado stayed with us all night.

Claire and I managed to dance like Madonna (see below) to pretty much every song, much to the bafflement of Bernado... but he soon got into the spirit, although he may have been humouring us.

The night ended with: Irn-Bru, raisins and a sense of general well being.

Neglection

It appears that my blogging has been somewhat lacklustre (a bit like this).

My reason is that my life has taken on a distressing cycle of sleeping and working, whilst trying in vain to fit some kind of normal eating pattern in between. The way I've written this sounds like I am working a 60 hour week, and not my meagre 16 hours.

16 long, hard hours.