Were I to describe 2008 in one word it would be ... crunchy.

So, 2008 is pretty much done and dusted. By working with St Andrew's Ambulance at Merchant Square and George Square at Hogmanay, I achieved a number of things:

• I was stone cold sober at the bells for the first time in five years
• I remember the bells for the first time in three years
• I got to appreciate how ridiculously drunk people dance
• I was not hungover on Ne'ers day
• I get to take the moral high ground. Je suis holier than thou.

Looking back on my aims and objective (2008) I find that:

1. Go to Brighton/Ukraine = FAIL.
   
2. Get a car = FAIL
   
3. Get a tattoo = DONE. I got a tattoo, yeah I got ink done (except I asked for a 13 and they drew a 31)
   
4. Learn to juggle = FAIL. Although I haven't REALLY been trying all that much. Maybe 2009 is my year.
   
5. Go to see the Flaming Lips = FAIL. This is not my fault as they have decided to (for another year) not tour in Scotland.
   
6. Go to all 12 hours of cheeeeeeeeeeeeeesy pop = DONE. Oh my, to see the daylight at 8am after 12 hour christmas cheesy pop was one of the sweetest (most tired) sights I have ever seen.
   
7. Become less antisocial and talk to more strangers (obviously not taking sweets from them/getting into cars - I ain't no fool) = UNCLEAR. This was really a bit of a half assed aim/objective.
   
8. Be an extra in a Bollywood film = FAIL. But oh my god did I come close- On my first day in Bombay (Mumbai, whatever) I stepped out of a taxi on Colaba Causeway to be greeted with 'Do you want to be in a Bollywood film'... Inside my head I was screaming "OH MY GOD YES", but played it cool and replied "OH MY GOD YES". It was going to be a drama set in the days of the British Raj and I would have been dressed up like a 1930s gentleman... The guy offered to send a car to pick me up from my hotel the next morning, but as I had just arrived I had literally no idea where my hotel was so instead I had to meet him at McDonalds at 8am the next morning. So off I trotted home and duly set my alarm for 6:30am and went to bed... It must have been the jet lag, but I woke up the next day at 9:30am - probably one of my top 3 worst moments of my life. Ever.
   
9. Learn to speak basic Hindi - QUALIFIED SUCCESS. I know how to say 'hello', 'thank you', 'water', 'open your eyes' and 'do you want us to take the tube out your throat'.
   
10. Become fit - IN THE PROCESS OF BECOMING DONE. I've enter a marathon. Creeping Jesus, I'll become fit or die trying. It could go either way.
    
11. Go to the cinema on my own - DONE. I went to see Kung-Fu Panda in Bombay on my own. FYI Indian children in the cinema are just as annoying as British children.
    
12. Learn to unicycle (potentially combining this with 4) - FAIL. Again, not much chance to practice.

Now this leads me quite nicely onto 2009's aims and objectives:

1. Complete the Edinburgh Marathon
2. Get another piercing/tattoo
3. Go on holiday outside of Europe during the summer
4. Get a proper haircut (ie not just head shaved)
5. Don't attend my graduation
6. Start to write a Broadway musical about my life
7. Hand make some of my clothes
8. Don't fall over during/on nights out
9. Don't vomit due to alcohol

As ever, Carrie and I have yet to come up with our song representing our hopes, dreams and aspitations for 2009... but this will come in due course.

Summer Anthem 2008

Good news. Our new summer anthem (this makes it sound like we have previous summer anthems - LIE) is:



The greatest Eurovision entry ever? Definitely yes.

Andrew vs Medicine

Please see the above photo and fact that I have exams in two weeks time that can test EVERYTHING I'VE EVER DONE AT UNI FOR THE PAST THREE YEARS, and take it as an explanation as to why I've been so amiss with updates.

Andrew 2 - Medicine 0 (this could be very different soon)

Conspiracy Theory

I spent nine (count them) hours in work today. Nine of hours of soul destroying admin work.

My one highlight was to hear the inane chatter of the people whose full-time job is said soul destroying admin work. There was a good ten minutes conversation on butter, margarine and spreadable butter that ended with a quote that I feel sums up the mind numbingness pretty damn well:

'Lurpack spreadble... it's just a TOTAL lie.'

Roll on quitting this job (1 week left!).

Metronomification

Last night was spent at King Tut's watching (the super awesome) Metronomy. I particularly enjoyed the lights on their t-shirts and dance moves.

Standing in front of us were none other than Glasgow's Franz Ferdinand. They were all quite short, which surprised me as I thought that all celebrities were giants. Who knew?

Mad as hatters

In the attempt to get a hat (for the hat themed 'Edward Ciderhands and Amy Winehands' party - one in which your drink is duck taped to your hand) we went to a vintage shop off of Byres Road.

Whilst there we were engaged in conversation by the shop owner for a good 25 minutes, with topics ranging from:

• excessively high platform shoes
• Converse
• shoplifting
• violent crime in Glasgow
• the West End Festival
• more violent crime (more specifically in the West End)
• Inappropriate comments being shouted at scantily clad young women, and how that didn't happen in her day
• The things she got up to a youngster
• How she feels that ther 14 year old son is safe in the West End, but not in town
• Hats
• The rapidly diminishing stock of 1930s and 40s clothing
• Alcoholic liver disease
• Drug driving

I think if other customers had not come in at this point, we may still be there.

One year on

It was exactly one year ago today that I passed my driving test (at about this time last year I would just be driving to the test centre, imagining the new and impressive ways that I might fail this time). Number of times Andrew has driven a car since passing test = 0.

I feel that I did have some pretty impressive driving test failures (none, sadly, that required the test to be stopped on 'Health and Safety grounds' - when this happens, the examiner gets out of the car and you have to walk back to the test centre with them as they aren't allowed to drive the car and you are too dangerous to. I'd imagine this would be just a wee bit mortifying.):

• Test number 1 - two majors. Both because I didn't look behind me when I was reversing during the test (and also because I almost hit a pedestrian when I was reversing at the very end of the test). The examiner actually said 'Did you not see that person?!', to which I couldn't decide which was the better answer - 'Yes, I was trying to hit him' or 'No, I don't look behind me when I reverse'. Needless to say, a big fat FAIL.


• Test number 2 - one major. Stupid, fucking, bane of my life 'unmarked crossroads'. I accidently, instead of stopping at one, accelerated towards it. This caused my examiner to SLAM on the brakes and do an emergency stop, it was this that gave me the clue that I had failed for a second time.


• Test number 3 - PASS. Despite, whilst reversing round a corner, I managed to go onto the other side of the road, I still passed. They must have felt sorry for me or something.
  

This does bring me to a most amusing incident I saw last night when walking to work. I saw a car which was parked at the side of the road start to reverse (as if to get enough room to pull away) towards a car that was about 3 metres behind it. The only problem is, the person was revesing as if she was trying to escape from some kind of crazed axe murderer chasing her car from the front, and consequently (and I could see what would happen, but was powerless to stop it) she SMASHED into the car behind... unfortunately, there was someone sitting in the car behind, and MAN he didn't look too pleased (or sound) too pleased.

It's at time like these I think it's probably for the best that I haven't driven a car, as I can picture me in situations as above or like Thelma and Loiuse: